One of the great ongoing debates in the history of this country is the one over which restaurants have the best burgers. There is absolutely no shortage of opinions in this arena; some people argue for their favorite local spot while others stay loyal to the bigger chains. As the Virginia-based chain Five Guys continues to expand aggressively out here in Southern California, it is becoming increasingly common to find yourself in a conversation comparing the restaurant to the extremely popular In-N-Out.
So if you find yourself in an argument on the subject, you will need to be prepared. And I am here to help. As someone who was born and raised in Virginia and now lives in California, I think it’s fair to say that I am well-versed on this topic. Here I will provide you with all the facts you need to know in order to properly argue for the correct side – that Five Guys is objectively the better burger place and anybody who disagrees is wrong.
Here is the totally objective, doctor-approved, indisputable breakdown of why Five Guys is the superior establishment:
Pros – Your choice of over 15 toppings for free. The cheese melts perfectly to complement the hand-made ground beef patties, if you’re a loser and only want one patty, you’re forced to order the “Little” burger so you feel stupid and total strangers can make fun of you. It is so delicious it will change your life.
Cons – There’s only a finite amount of burger.
Pros – Both regular “Five Guys Style” and cajun fries available. Never any reason to order large fries because they toss so many into the bag no matter what size you order (I have noticed that you generally get a few more at the original locations compared to the newer ones.) The fries are bigger than In-N-Out’s and are cooked to perfection
Cons – It’s hard to decide whether to get cajun or regular.
Pros – Their hot dogs are amazing (especially the bacon cheese dog) even for those who don’t like hot dogs that much. The grilled cheese is so simple yet so delectable, everything is fantastic.
Cons – You can’t order everything in one meal because that’s probably too much food.
Pros – The majority of people in California seem to think this is the best burger and it’s cute that they don’t know any better. It serves as a nice reminder that it’s been too long since you made it to Five Guys. If you don’t have any other means of getting food, it provides some level of sustenance slightly more enjoyable than that time I put an entire McDonald’s extra value meal in a blender and drank the ensuing concoction.
Cons – It’s not Five Guys.
Pros – They take the fresh potatoes in store and slice them and fry them in front of you allowing you to see that regardless of what your taste buds say, they really are made from potatoes.
Cons – Just about everything, not even some of the people who love In-N-Out are too crazy about these fries. Also, the dirty teenager behind the counter who doesn’t believe in soap just touched your fries, both in potato and fry form.
Pros – I’ll admit that the secret menu is a cool concept and makes everything a little bit more interesting. Milkshakes.
Cons – Why waste your time memorizing the secret menu when you should just be going to Five Guys instead?
So there you go. I think those facts speak for themselves, but please let me know of anything I may have missed.