The Red, The White, And The Speed

As we all know, Natural Ice is universally accepted as the best tasting and most patriotic beer in all the land. But just what about it is so great? Try everything, but here are the top ten things that make it the most delicious, nutritious, and satisfying beverage known to man:

10. It comes in 30 packs – Pretty standard, but the best beers are always available in 30s at your local grocery store so that you have access to them in the largest quantities (it only makes sense). The Ice is no exception.

9. The Ice Keg – Another example of the best beer being regularly available in the largest quantities. And at such an affordable price! If that’s not a sign from above that we’re supposed to drink The Ice, then I must not be thinking clearly. Why is the room spinning?

8. The Colors – Nothing beats red, white, and blue. And there’s no better tribute to Old Glory than cracking open a can of Natural Ice.

7. It’s Natural – It’s in the name and they would never lie to us. I’m pretty certain Natty Ice comes naturally from a spring somewhere in the Arctic or something.

6. Alcohol Content – Natural Ice serves as a thrifty option to get 5.9% alcohol in your beer. Bottom line: it gets you drunk faster.

5. The 40 – For a long time, the 40oz bottle of The Ice was my white whale. It is quite rare in most parts of the country to find one, but when you do, you better pounce on that baby. Its mystery is only surpassed by its magnificence.

Our high-speed cameras were able to snap a photo of The Ice in motion

4. The Design – Have you seen the can? I mean, check out how sleek and sexy it is. And look at the speed lines! No other beers are catching up to this prized racehorse.

3. Restores Honor to the word “Ice” – Even after Smirnoff decided to launch a campaign to besmirch the name normally given to frozen water, Natural Ice has been able maintain a level of dignity for the term, allowing us to proclaim that we’re “getting icy” without having to hide our faces in shame.

2. Social Standing – If you are an avid drinker of The Ice, then you are a part of the most elite and exclusive sector of society, a bold individual who can keep up with the speed of The Ice and leave all other beers fading in your rearview.

1. Convenience – Do you like getting bad hangovers without having to drink SO MANY beers? Well then, Natural Ice is here to solve this age-old problem. Only The Ice can make your head pound and your stomach churn after a night of light drinking and overall sobriety!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s